— 2:18 am 2 notes
why do I fall in love with everyone I’ve ever met like literally when I meet someone new who I think is totally rad I’ll talk about them and talk about them and little fucking moments that shouldn’t even matter and I always want to know how they’re doing and what they’re doing and what they’re thinking and when I’m around new people like that, I just want to bombard them with questions and I have to contain myself and this happens with literally anyone and I get so temporarily attached and sometimes it makes me really sad because I feel like I’m always trying to find something in everyone I meet, I try to find out what music they like, what their passions are, and all these other little and big things and I want to see if they understand and if they care if they’re someone I want to be around for awhile and I seek that out in every single fucking person I meet and does it make me a bad person to say that it’s disappointing almost every time (but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk to them again) and after maybe a few conversations I’ll find myself imagining scenarios and conversations with this person and then I’m actually with them and talking to them and I realize how idiotic I am to think that this next person I meet will be my best friend or my lover or just someone really significant and they aren’t, and I’ve always thought I was someone who never really expected a lot from people, if this person is nice and can hold a conversation, cool we’re friends, and I’m convinced of this but at the same time it all feels so fucking empty, our conversations are so empty and now being nice and good and whatnot doesn’t seem to be enough for me anymore, I can hang out with someone like that all day and talk to them and laugh but I go home and I don’t feel different I don’t feel anything I didn’t learn anything and I just wish everyone around me would care and understand or at least want to and everyone lacks so much passion and compassion and empathy and they all have their own problems and their own minds and thoughts but I’d like to know. I want to know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling without fucking apology and I’m surrounded by so much emptiness and ignorance and apathy and it saddens me more than anything in the world.